These are my thoughts – I retrieve them from my head and link them together. Shapes begin to fill lacks and silently I wish to myself that the shapes were not just signifiers of the signified.
Not just symbols to express the inexpressable.
Not just a manifestation of an immutable idea.
These are my emotions – they take me places. Places I don’t want to go, places I’m desperate for, places I never thought I would be.
My head and my heart are at war. Theology and the human experience are violent brothers. Each seek to eliminate the other.
Why did God give us a head and a heart? Why did God mold our brains into computers, constantly calculating logical algorithms for morality, superiority, sexuality, hierarchy? Why did God make our hearts like sick little sponges, ready to soak up ecstasy and poison in a moment?
And why did he make the two so different from the other?
My head-song is an electronica soundtrack. My heart-song is the blues.
The only way to figure this thing out is to start practicing together. Maybe for some seasons, our music will sound like wires and cables and electricity. Maybe for other seasons, our music will sound like the mud in a Louisiana swamp.
But maybe, someday, our eyes will widen, our ears will open, and our hearts will lighten. Out of our heads and our hearts will spring forth a glorious, transcendent melody, laced with the elixir of heaven.